Good choices!

I went on an overnight trip to Austin with Tommy and I made some good food choices (Yay me!). I was not perfect on the diet front but I could have done some serious damage and I refrained. Friday night we went to Wendy's and I did have a few of Tommy's fries but I refrained from the Baconator and large french fries! I got the apple walnut salad, took 1/2 of the cheese off and only used 1/3 of the walnuts and 1 thing of dressing. It was good and I felt good with my choices! I was so good I even brought my own cereal for Saturday morning and resisted all the danishes! For lunch we went to Red Robin and I wanted the big old hamburger and bottomless fries really bad. I was really hungry because it was 2 PM, which is never a good thing to be when you go to a restaurant. I used my new iPhone and looked at my app for Dining Out with Jenny Craig. It listed the veggie burger as one of the good choices, of course without the mayo sauce! So that is what I did. I even substituted a salad for the fries and got the sauce on the side. It was good and it filled me up and I felt good with my choices. It is definitely a different feeling leaving a restaurant feeling not hungry versus feeling overstuffed. Feeling overstuffed and guilty is usually the feeling I feel and then I go over and over it in my mind. Beating up myself that I was not better. So, today no mental bullying by myself. It is always hard to really know how a restaurant prepares food and what the real calories are, but I controlled the part I could control and that feels good. That is all that I can do right?

It was a good week on the weight loss front. I weighed in today and am down 1.6. So that makes about 5 pounds. Not bad, but I sure wished it went faster. I could put 5 pounds on in 2 days but it takes 14 to take it off, if I am lucky! Why is that? I am sure it is for survival that Heavenly Father created our bodies that way, so we would not all starve, but it seems like there should be an easier way!

I did have some success this week when I had a very stressful time but I did not turn to food. That is major for me. Not that I did not hover in the kitchen for awhile, but not having something bad (like chocolate) in the house is a good thing. Fruit and vegetable just don't hit the spot for stress eating.

Here is to another week of success that will hopefully show results on the scale!

I sure love food!

Well, at my first weigh in I lost 3.5 lbs. Not great for the first week but I will take it. Today however was not a very "good" day. I did a lot of "BLT's" No, that is not Bacon, Lettuce and tomato. BLT stands for Bites, licks, tastes. The thing that Mom's are notorious for. I kept catching myself licking the spoon or eating a fry from the kid's meal. Of course I caught myself after I had eaten it so that was not good. But tomorrow is another day and I did take the kids to the pool today. I almost got on my treadclimber. I sure thought about it fora long while, but m leg is not 100% yet so I reluctantly refrained! ;)

So hopefully this weekend will go well. we have a neighborhood picnic tomorrow so wish me luck. I have to bring a side so I will make sure at least something is healthy!

Well, it has been 3 days and I am still alive. I can't say I have not been hungry but it has not been too bad. The portions of the entrees are small. But when you have been used to eating and eating and eating a normal portion is going to look small. The food is actually good. No gourmet awards being given out but I have been pleasantly surprised. I think the hardest thing is I just don't like vegetables that much. At least not the non-starchy kid. I don't think the "vegetables" I like are even really considered vegetables in the nutrition world. But like most diets I can have certain vegetables unlimited so I should not be hungry right?? But when I want to eat squash or zucchini just does not hit the spot like chips! It all goes down to the right choices huh? Hopefully I can "reframe" (like those fancy psychology terms?) my idea of what is good and what is a normal portion. I think that is the only way to make weight loss permanent. I am good at losing weight just not keeping it off!

I sure do miss chocolate! There is one day when I get a slice of chocolate cheesecake. I think I might want to do a week with that as my snack every night! Do you think Jenny would approve of that? Probably not.

I have had a few moments where I have wanted to eat just because and I have resisted. That is a win for me. I also went to a family friends house for dinner and they had hamburgers and hot dogs. I resisted the potato salad, mac and cheese and only had 5 chips! That is a win for me too. Them today I went to a friends house for breakfast with the kids and some friends. I took some watermelon because I have a HUGE one which worked out well. Jill made some coffee cake and some monkey bread type rolls and there were breakfast tacos! I ate my breakfast before I went and only had watermelon and 1 bite of the monkey bread! That is a huge win for me. I LOVE monkey bread.

So the week goes on and hopefully I can stay strong. I was measured and they took measurements on Wed. They do measurements every 4 weeks. I look forward to good progress!

Let's try this again....

Well, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. I think I have tried almost every diet there is and some of them are really crazy. I have memories of being in middle school and dieting with my Mom and my sister. Thinking I was soooo fat at the time and wanting to fit in. I look back and think, " Oh, to only be that "fat" again!"

In March of 2009 I decide to try and take control of my weight again and I joined Weight Watcher's. My husband John was very supportive and a friend of mine from work Nora joined with me. I had a lot of success and lost over 25 pounds. I was still "on program" when my husband John was diagnosed with cancer. It was very stressful but I was still going strong. Things got a little tricky when he was in the hospital but I worked really hard to bring my food and not go crazy with cafeteria food. You see, I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy, sad, confused, worried, you get the point. I can not relate to those people that don't eat when they are stressed because when I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth I have an instant "relief". The problem is that "high" does not last and I need another and another and another and so on to keep feeling good. So back to my husband. He was in and out of the hospital and I held my own as far as maintaining the weight loss I had attained. I was not losing any more at the time but I was happy with holding my own after awhile (when his cancer diagnosis and prognosis was really bad). He was hospitalized for 6 weeks after a surgery and was finally released from the hospital to go to his sister's wedding. That was around Labor Day 2009. When we got back he started chemo again and due to complications to numerous to go over now, he died within a month. He left his earthly state on October 8, 2009. I guess I did have a few days where I did not want to eat. Where I forgot to eat, but that did not last long. I started finding comfort in food again. I tried to fill the enormous hole and emptiness I felt inside with food. It worked sort of. I would get some temporary relief. I would mask the feelings and try and forget that real issues I was dealing with. So now 9 months later I have gained over 40 pounds since he died. Yes, I lost 25 pounds but now I have gained 40. That is 15 pounds above where I started March 2009. TYPICAL!

I have been wanting to get a handle on my weight but when I was going back to Weight Watcher's and would see the scale go up and up it was just too hard to continue to go. I was not emotionally stable to handle the feelings of failure. But I have been thinking and thinking how I can get back "on the wagon" and be healthier. Besides my weight I am healthy, Dr. Atlas said all my lab work is good. Even my Cholesterol! But I keep getting the feeling that "I am the only parent my kids have left, I have to be healthy". But how do I limit my caloric intake and not feed my emotions and try and lose weight? Am I ready to feel hungry again? I don't think I have been hungry for the last 9 months...my stomach has not been empty at all in that time! But for weeks I have been thinking of a change. I feel horrible about my physical self and that makes it hard for me to be there 100% for my kids. So, I am going to try. I think I am ready to try. The only question is how?

When I think about how I think about Weight Watcher's. It is an excellent program, but I think that right now having so much variety and meal options that I just don't have the time. Especially since I would usually have to cook other things for the kids as well. I think I am going to try Jenny Craig. I know you think "Yuck". But I have heard the food is good...Valarie Bertinelli even says so! But seriously, the idea that it is all there and I don't have to plan too much is freeing to me right now. I feel like I make so many decisions that I have to decide everything with the family. It is just nice to say, "What is in the freezer?" and be eating 5 minutes later. And believe it or not it is one of the few diets that I have not tried!

So tomorrow I have an appointment with Jenny Craig and we will see. I am going out to dinner on Monday night for my parent's anniversary and I am looking forward to that so Tuesday I can start out right! I created this blog to try and help with the emotional part of the diet. To hopefully turn here rather than to the fridge. Let's see how it works!? I have nothing to lose but weight, right?